Jacob Marley Vs. Baron Zemo

[monkeynohito]

Here's the quick stats:

Resume:
Jacob Marley - Butcher, Mortician, Bitch of Tony Stark.
Baron Zemo - Nazi, Founding member of Masters of Evil

Special traits:
Jacob Marley - Jaded disposition, Love of comic books
Baron Zemo - Uncanny ability to look menacing in a striped pink hood and dalmatian fur

Complexion:
Jacob Marley - Like unto Death Himself
Baron Zemo - Non-applicable

Former Bouts:
Marley vs. Bendis (Marley)
Zemo vs. Bucky (Zemo)

Lifegoals:

Jacob Marley -
Baron Zemo - Sloopy Sal's Silly Solvent

[Lee Bretschneider]

Unfortunately, I have to go with the Zemo on this one.

[monkeynohito]

I dunno...That Bendis victory really gives Jacob a lot of points in my book. Every day, Bendis puts the hurt on dozens of Marvel characters and even being able to lock horns with him and walk away with the same history and personality is a heroic feat in and of itself.

Zemo would definitely bring the pain, but with an assist from Emma and possibly Wonderman I think Jacob could crawl away from the fight only missing a couple limbs.

[Lee Bretschneider]

He could always call in Iron Man, too, I guess.

[monkeynohito]

Ok:

Tony Stark forgets where he left his snake-skin bikini briefs and needs Jacob's help. He certainly can't start such an important tracking mission without a few vodka sours, so he makes a pit-stop in some dive.

Unbeknownst to Iron Man, just a few blocks away, Jacob Marley is battling for his life against the villainous Baron Zemo. By battling for his life, I mean he's hiding under an inconspicuous Impala and re-thinking his stance on mocking people who shit themselves.

Just as the Baron is leveling some sort of futuristic shooter doohicky at the not-quite-so-inconspicuous Impala, Tony Stark dozes off at the wheel and Iron Man crashes into Zemo.

Jacob Marley rolls his eyes at the contrived plot twist that just saved his life as Iron Man wonders if a transistor powered robotic suit counts for vehicular homocide.

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